Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Lonely
Well, the reality of the move is finally sinking in. Kristen left this afternoon, and I've been doing about everything I can to feel less alone. I went for a long run after she'd gone, I watched the remake of Dawn of the Dead ... and I'm a leeeetle bit drunk. I figured maybe exhaustion, fear and alcohol might lessen the blow, but now I'm sitting here in front of the computer trashed, terrified and depressed. Talk about backfiring plans. Zombies are less scary when you have someone to hug.
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Don’t worry about it man! We are only a phone call away. With Percy the Puffin on duty everything is safe on the home front!!!
To cheer you up I have have come up with a list of words that I think are ver funny. They are (in order of funnyness <- I made that one up)
Banana
Bowling Ball
Broccoli
Chia-pet
Chicken
Corn
Cow
Crusty
Dastardly
Emu
Eskimo
Fluffy
Frugal
Frumpy
Goat
Goulash
Grunion
Hardy
Jell-O mold
Loaf
Monkey + (anything)
Mutant
Pants
Prune
Smörgåsbord
Sock puppet
Sparkle
Spiffy
Spork
Strudel
Waffle iron
Weasel
A list of jokes for that I can now use on my older brother
A newfie is walking along the beach one day, and he sees
a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to
brush it off, and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I
will grant you three wishes."
The newfie thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a
might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout."
POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it
down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says,
"I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you."
So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back
up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle,
and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The
genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?"
The newfie looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll
be taking two more of these."
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A Newfie was making his first visit to a hospital where his
teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's
every move, he asked, "What's that?"
The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this
he won't know a thing."
"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing
now."
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A Newfie was making his first visit to a hospital where his
teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's
every move, he asked, "What's that?"
The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this
he won't know a thing."
"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing
now."
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The chief of staff of the Canadian Air Force decided that he would
personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed
services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all
eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a
pair of Newfie twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine
Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to
them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you
bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in
today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"
The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second
young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!" "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air
Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we
don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Dang it, I have to chop it
before he can pile it!"
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Dave was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past
Mic's house and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale."
This confused Dave because he knew that Mic didn't own a boat,
so he finally decided to go in and ask Mic about it.
"Hey Mic," said Dave, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says
'Boat For Sale,' but ya don't even have a boat. All ya have is
your old John Deere tractor and combine."
Mic replied "Yup, and they're boat for sale."
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From Mom
Here In Newfoundland
Dear Son;
I am writing this slow because you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car
accidents happen within 20 miles of home - so we moved. I can't send the address as the
last Newfie family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house, so
they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. But the first day I put 4 shirts in it, pulled the chain
and I haven't seen them since.
It rained here only twice last week - three days the first time and four the second time.
About the coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little heavy to
send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off. I put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the Funeral Home, it said that if we didn't make the last payment on
Grandma's funeral, up she comes!
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out wether it is a girl or a
boy so I don't know if you're an Aunt or an Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat - some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
them off and drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two
were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety.
The other two drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!
Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent by now, but I told her you
had grown another foot since she saw you last, so she had to knit another one.
No more news for now.
Love
Mom
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Funny word addition number 1:
Pickled Weiner
Thank you there, fangly fish ... though you weren't supposed to know abour Percy till he arrived! :-) Darn that airfair crew ...
But Percy has arrived!!!
awww Dawn of the Dead...zombies are pretty terrifying without someone to hug.
You have to watch Shaun of the Dead now.
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