Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Brain is love

Welcome to semester two of the freshman faculty experience. I realized yesterday that the sign on my office door needed updating, as my office hours have changed. I decided that while I was at it, the image I have over my name should switch too ... last term it was Dr. Strangelove; this term I think I want to be The Brain.

What are we doing in class today, Dr. Lockett? The same thing we do every class -- trying to take over the world. Mwuhaha.


Stephen Eli Harris said...

Good luck with that eh! The world needs taking over and hopefully you'll be able to set it in the right direction!

Great choice with the Brain, btw.


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FanglyFish said...

Take over the world eh? I may be interested. King Fangly Fish has a nice ring to it… We should base our entire system of government on things we have seen in movies. Here is a list of things that I have learned from movies:

- At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

- Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

- If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

- Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which
will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.

- You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

- Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

- When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

Lesley said...

You forgot:

-any young, unmarried woman who engages in premarital sex will die in the next scene

-no one locks their doors

-even the most run down, crime ridden, poor neighbourhoods have beautifully decorated and furniture filled apartments

and a few more that I just can't wrap my head around at this moment.

Dr. Lockett, you frighten me. Although, if you are taking over the world, at least you'll get Memorial University on the world stage....

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