The make your own conspiracy sweepstakes!

OK, so I know that the Blade-Selene showdown is past due, but I'm putting the vampire cage matches on brief hiatus because tomorrow I'm hopping in my car and driving to Ontario for the summer. I've sort of been running around madly the past few days getting everything in order here, and will hopefully be able to post from the road with some road trip pictures &c, but expect posting on this blog to be somewhat light over the next week or so. I promise the Blade-Selene fight will be up within a week.

IN THE MEANTIME. I caught this screen capture from Lewis Black's utterly brilliant evisceration of Glenn Beck on The Daily Show last week. I think it bears a close look.

See it? In the very middle at the top of his chalkboard, Beck has written—in caps, and circled—the word TIDES. Tides. Seriously. Which makes me wonder: what the hell kind of cracked-out conspiracy theory has he got going for this one? How, precisely, do the tides figure in on Obama's Islamohomosocialifascist agenda?

Well, I think this is a fabulous opportunity to make our own conspiracy theories, gentle readers. Please share how the moon's nefarious, and probably ultra-left-wing control over the rising and falling of the seas fits into the imminent government seizure of your guns. Or possibly health care. Really, who the fuck knows.

Winner of the contest gets a crisp new five-dollar bill.*

*may not be legal tender