Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Of ducks, creepy guys in cars, and the party that was

So I'm ambivalent about the whole Halloween thing this year -- there are, from what I've gleaned, a few parties happening, but I'm suffering from a lack of inspiration costume-wise. No possibilities have struck me beyond recycled ideas. I suppose I could always do the one I've been keeping in my back pocket and be Postmodernism Man -- the superhero who fights for Pastiche, Schizophrenia and Incredulity To Metanarratives everywhere, but I'm not entirely sure what form that would take. I could also do my old Satan costume (vaguely appropriate, given that I'm teaching Paradise Lost right now), which has the advantage at least of being stylish ... a black suit, black shirt, red tie, Matrix-style sunglasses and a stick-on name tag that reads "HELLO ... my name is The Adversary, Devourer of Worlds, Beast that is Called Dragon, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Destroyer of Kings, Father of Lies, Lord of Darkness."

You have to write really small on the name tag. Anyway, suggestions are welcome.

More ducks today. I turned into the parking lot at campus this morning and had to slam on the brakes as the two cars in front of me did the same. I sat there for a few seconds wondering "WTF?" and thinking about blowing my horn, and then saw a line of four ducks in a line emerge from in front of the first car, mildly ambling along, taking no note of the fact that they were holding up traffic.

Sure is getting crowded around here.

And THEN, as I left my car and walked up toward my office, I passed a guy sitting in his driver's seat, smoking a cigar, with his laptop propped up on his steering wheel, blithely cycling through porn. I ask you -- at eight in the morning? Never mind the porn, cigars are disgusting before dusk. Fortunately the day levelled out at that point and did not persist in being weird. Too bad, in a way.

About a week and a half ago, Lauramas was celebrated in London ... I regret not being able to be there for the festivities, but at least my part of my and Kristen's gift made it ... apparently it was quite the night. I did call and speak to everyone there, which was nice, if a bit sad for me. Ah, the old gang. I miss you guys.

As you can see, my half of the gift here was some homegrown t-shirt wit. I kind of figured that, being from PEI, Laura would appreciate this kind of Atlantic Canada separatism. You actually see a fair number of these shirts around about town here, but I figured that they'd be scarce in Ontario -- hence satisfying Laura's rather visceral need for tight-fitting t-shirts with kooky slogans.

I'll always remembered her glee when she received the shirt she'd ordered with the saying "Save the Drama for Your Mama." Or her abject jealousy at seeing an acquaintance wearing a shirt she wished she could have bought first -- depicting a map of Idaho with the slogan "Idaho? No -- You da ho!"

Yeah. If Oscar Wilde was alive today, he'd be making pots of cash writing copy for t-shirts. And quite possibly running the swankiest gay club in London. But the t-shirts would have been what funded the club.

And on that note, yet another gratuitous Wilde quip for Eano: "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."

You know, I think that one is my favourite, now that I think of it.

Ah Patterson, you sexy beast. What woman could ever resist your seductive charms? Give us a haiku, baby.


Paige said...

My sister has that Idaho shirt too, it totally cracks me up everytime I see it.. or even think about it.

Ooh keep the Wilde quotes a coming.. when I was reading Dorian Gray I tried to jot down as many snappy phrases from the book as I could... they also crack me up, but in a somewhat different way.

mr. tomas ubik said...

you keep those Wilde quotes coming.....heres one for paige in light of her most recent post

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months".

you should go as the postmodern superhero, only that i picture that caped crusader as being dressed like an everyday chap. If you were to design a costume/outfit/superhero attire, would you not be contributing to that which you fight?

unless you come up with a new superhero look, but then again, even 'the Willis' only had a raincoat on in Unbreakable.

you might as well wear a brown paper bag to fight crime, its the only costume left.

FYI - Bruce Willis no longer needs a first name - the Willis is all he is now.

Captain Fudge said...

Here's your Haiku:

Nice picture of me
The beard does not hide the chins
So it's back to the gym

and one more

Think that's a good quote?
"Remember no matter where
you go, there you are."

Captain Fudge said...

I just noticed that
The line in my first haiku
Has six syllables

I am retarded
My diet has killed my brain
Damn you to hell, FUDGE!!