Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Global warming my ass

The lovely weather I've been able to gloat about lately in comparison to southern Ontario's cold and snow came to an abrupt halt yesterday. I woke up and saw a blinding expanse of white outside -- so of course stayed home and did work rather than expose myself to the elements. I even stayed away from the windows for the most part, on the assumption that if I couldn't see the snow, it wouldn't see me. Or something.

This morning however I could practice no such avoidance, as I'd agreed to proctor an exam for a colleague. Walking out into the parking lot, I was treated to the following image:

My poor car ...

Several things were clarified for me, or at least certain purchases were. I now know I should probably buy:

- Snow tires, or possibly an M1A1 Abrams, for traversing this city's hills.
- Cross-country skis, or possibly a sled with a dozen huskies.
- A garage.
- A massive gravitational manipulator that will shift the earth's orbit enough to make Newfoundland's climate more like Barbados (what do you think -- Sharper Image? LL Bean? EBay? There's got to be one available somewhere ...)

Speaking of Barbados, I'm beginning to think it's time to shift my research area so as to exploit my family history on that island and get a grant that would let me spend the winter months in the Bridgetown archives.

Those archives are great. I could easily use up a half hour a day doing research there. If only there were other ways to spend my time in Barbados ... oh well, I'm happy to suffer for my scholarship.


iceman said...

I only reiterate one thing son: OFF STREET PARKING!!!!!
P.S. Looking forward to seeing you!!!!!!!

star*mora said...

snow tires are a must! when i moved to ottawa one snowy december several years ago, i made the investment...and they are worth every cent!

now the big winter splurge is a remote car starter...also fantastic given that i don't have a covered garage, and just have the wipers set to go on...warm done this is needed in non-southern ont locales...and soooo nice when it goes really sub-zero!

airfair crew said...

Nothing else to do in Barbados --- warm sand between your toes, sugar cane undulating in the trade winds, the sounds of Oistins in the afternoon as the fishermen return with their catch, sunshine on your back, lilting Bajan accents, vibrant turqouise seas crashing to shore, calypso beats...oh, can't forget those rum punches. Damn those Bajan genes!!!!!!

Lesley said...

ok airfare crew needs to cease and desist with the talk of warm sunny locales. NOW! Suck it up man, I hear that's only a light dusting in Newfoundland. And you have to show them that us Ontarians are made from tougher salt than that! But I agree with the snow tires and the remote starter ideas. Because those sound like fantastic inventions. I've only tried the snow tires myself. Or, you could always see if anyone from Australia is interested in moving to Newfoundland and then corner them into cleaning off your car when they're amazed at the snow. yes, I have tried this, last winter, in a parking lot with a family of four from Australia who were "amazed" at the snow. And if all else fails...see if a snow mobile is in the contract you signed for your scholarship. And if it isn't, make sure you renegotiate.

Steve A said...

Found this blog because I just wrote something and called it "Global Warming My Ass" also. Did a search for that term and here I am.

I just wrote something on my blog about this global warming B.S. Here in California the Governator is trying to add a new tax to pay for a global warming research committee. When in fact we're cooling.

If you wish you can read more at my site. I'm not selling anything so hopefully you don't take this as spam but I have links in my post that I believe dispels the notion of global warming.